Happy Father's Day!

What's Cookin'?

Yes, I know there is no beautiful picture of the lovely roasted chicken from last night. Just look at this month's cover of Martha Stewart, and that's what I cooked up for dinner last night. It was truly Magnifique!!! The Family and I loved it. I think it was daring in it's technique and down to earth in it's ingredients. Life has been simple and sweet, as of late. I have been concentrating on the fact that my husband has been joining us at church, which is always great. And my children are growing like weeds. I love watching them. It's enough for me. I love their smiles, their silly antics and their amazing observations. They teach me about being human everyday. I smile privately when I hear them interact with their Daddy, or with one another. It's magic. I love my family so much. Somehow, I've gathered all of the right ingredients up for a wonderful life. Yay ME!!! What are your ingredients for a great time?

Hard . . .and not in a funny way

Life is hard. I have been learning this for the last few months. I have been coping with being off anti-depressants, living with small children, a sick husband and no family support. I am realizing how important family is. If you come from none, or a broken family, it is HARD. Because, when you fall apart, there is no one there but your spouse or your children to help you. Not that, it isn't enough, but it feels as if your taking away their reserves, to help you. NOT COOL!! I wish I could just have Mary Poppins swoop in and take care of the kids. And I could have House limp in and diagnose, and fix my husband's illness. Not going to happen. There is no freakin' Alice to come in and do the laundry for this Brady Bunch. I'm it. Me. Sad, little, depressed, tired me. How can I do this? I worry constantly for the well-being of my little family. Am I enough? The answer is "hell no!" I need our Mothers, Fathers, Sisters, Brothers. Where are they? All I find left standing is God. Not that he's a shabby "fill in", however, I have to figure out a way to let go of the anger and dissapointment of the LACK of support from our families. I will, I rely on God more and more to help me. I realize through support of my church and friends that it will be alright. And in the end. . .that's what counts.

Storage

As I am continuing this wild ride of mine, I'm learning that I have so many things I have to say "no" to, or work that I need to put off until my STP training is done. I am having to put it in storage, for a short time. I hate this. I've become fairly good at keeping up in my life with family, friends, chores at home. Now, I feel like I'm taking a couple steps backwards in these areas I've tried so hard to improve, for the sake of . . .gasp! EXERCISE. Yup, somehow my body has become kinda' important to me. I'm also trying to eat a little better, to help improve my body. Now, if I could just gather up the emotional, the task master and the organizer in me and juggle them along with this healthy body I'm trying to create, life would be perfect. Are you laughing at me? I know there is at least a smirk. I'm laughing at me, or maybe I'm just finally cracking.

Pedaling

See those pedals? Those are the pedals I have to use on my bike. "Those little lollipop things?", you may be asking yourself. "YES", those little lollipop pedals have become the worst part of my experience. "Why?" you ask. Well, when you put these pedals onto your bike, you also have to wear special shoes that have a cute little circle on the bottom of them that LOCK onto those little lollipops. So, when you would normally take your foot off the pedal to correct your balance, stop at an intersection or just freak out because you almost hit a chipmunk, your brain doesn't always remember your LOCKED onto your bike. You then proceed to fall over and do bodily harm to yourself. It HURTS!!! I have fallen FIVE times so far on this new pedaling system. Which has now made me a big ninny, and I have little anxiety attacks everytime I start riding the darned thing. So, my Man has decided it would be good for me to go out every morning for mini-rides, just to get used to it, and hopefully get rid of my anxiety. So far, no falls, however, I think my sanity is gone, I find myself riding through my neighborhood singing "Twinkle, twinkle little star" to keep my mind off of NOT falling over. Not only do I NOT want to get hurt, but I also am embarassed and feel like a beetle on it's back. Yup, it's a fun, fun sport!

Chaotic Organization

I think this is what my life has become. The outline of my day always seems organized, it can be made into a nice little list, I can cross off each task, and I know that I have done what I've needed to do. My actual day in reality seems to be based in chaos, however. I can still get the "oraganized" part taken care of, but it's like bringing along a bunch of crazy monkeys along for the ride. Between kids, the Man and all of the unpredictable stuff, somehow, I manage. I'm still sane, I'm still chugging along. I think. I would really love to write more on this blog. I watch Liv, she is quite the writer! Her new aspirations are to become an illustrator and writer of children's books. I believe her. So, I am going to write a little each day on this here bloggy-thing, and start stretchin' out my "writing" muscles. I love this picture that Liv took. It's of our Maple in the back yard. She just looked up . . .and there was this amazing view. Just looked up.

'Round and 'round she goes . . .

I am alive, I am well, I am crazy busy. This is all good. I am actually training for the STP. I have been able to ride 15 miles, and have fun while doing it. Sure, I always start out cursing my damn bike, and shooting looks that should kill my Man, but by the end of the rides, I am sweaty, huffing and puffing, and smiling. It feels good to be challenged physically and mentally. Another benefit, is that I've naturally wanted to eat healthier and less. I guess the thought of pedaling a smaller ass in the STP is more apealling. So, yay for me!!! Also, I have been purging everything that I don't LOVE from my home. I am tired of papers, junk and "things I might use someday" cluttering up my life. I am going lighter. Yup, I am light. Still dizzy, and tired, and whiney (Hello?!?!? I didn't say I was perfect!) Good days are here!