Sharing

So, I went to church on Sunday. It was really very nice. I got to really pray. Pray for people I know, pray for people I don't know. I like to pray. It makes me feel as if I'm putting my spirit to work. I still feel a little silly. I'm not used to it quite yet. I want to do it, hoping God is listening. I do it for myself. I do it to send out something positive into our world. Praying for me, is giving good thoughts for people I love. And I love most people, so this is a good thing. But lately, there is a nagging in me, a little spot that says it's futile. That praying is useless, that the universe is doing what it's doing, and praying is a waste of time. But I am persistant, I keep praying. I pray for my children to grow into good humans. I pray for my husband to feel better. I pray to be a good wife and mother. I pray for strength and patience. I pray for my Mom to know that I haven't given up on her, and that I love her. I pray, and I pray. I hope that it's all for something. I hope I make God happy for praying good thoughts and wishes for others. I want peace. I hope that being thoughtful and patient will lead to peace. I am new to God's family. I've always believed in him, though queitly and secretly. I know that He is around us. I look at my children and know without a doubt He made them. He sent me two beautiful, healthy, sometimes challenging kiddos to me. I am grateful. I know He sent my Man to me. Matthew is one of the most wonderful people I know. I just hope and pray, that I please all of them. That I can make them all happy, because I know what gifts they are. Sometimes, I get so scared. No one should be this blessed, this happy, without paying a price. I worry a little, but then I realize, whatever happens in my life, I can handle. I can handle it, because God is beside me. It makes me feel not so alone. So, this is a little piece of my heart. A little bit of very private thoughts, wandering around inside my head. I don't usually discuss all of this, but I thought I should share a little of myself. People need to share more.