Intentions . . .

I've had the best of intentions. Honestly, I have wanted to do right by Lent, I have wanted to do right by my God, and my family and by myself. It's amazing, how things get in the way and lead you astray. I was going to go, go, go. I've stopped, hmmmed, and hawed. I've contemplated, slept on it, and given it some thought until I just realized, NOTHING has gotten done. I really want to accomplish my set goals, I don't want to let God, my family or myself down. But, how is it that life just kind of happens? I have a cold, it's easier to let my little guy play video games, then deal with him, and it's much easier to throw a box of frozen mac & cheese into the microwave. (My secret best friend). I realize that all of this is very un-PC, but dangit, I'm tired out. I had all of these grand plans to do great stuff, I've read my usual blogs for inspiration, I've looked to my supportive husband and priest. I've tried to figure out why I can't seem to move. I'm frozen in my own crud. Then the great cloud of depression comes over me. I'm lost in the gray. I miss out on the VIBRANCY. I want to be vibrant. This is my "word" for this year, afterall. I want to become me in technicolor. I am not giving up, just so you know. I am still fighting. I have my good intentions, which I consider to be my armor in this fight of gray, and I have my supporters (you know who you are), which are my heart, and I have my God and convictions, which is my sword. I just have to start hackin' away at all the gray, and keep going. So, even though I haven't been triumphant in my fight, it's not over. I am going to keep on. Don't give up. Maybe, God will be proud of that little step. I'm not turning and running away, I'm just looking at what's coming and steadying myself. Don't give up. I want this to work. Don't give up. Never. I hope this is alright. I hope God and my loved ones don't think of me as "less than". I will not give up. Never.